Lance: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the hockey journey podcast, episode number 39. Purpose, how to find and cultivate yours presented to you by online hockey training.com. I'm your host coach Lance Petland. If you're new here, please make sure you subscribe so you won't miss out on any future episodes before we get things rolling.
Lance: You want to learn more about me? My hockey experiences, what I know, and most importantly, how I've been helping hockey players get really good with a stick and puck, just head on over to online hockey, training.com and gain instant access to my 10 part video series where I'll show you everything.
Lance: Consider it my gift to you. Have you ever thought about opposites before? Like a long list of them? I don't know why things pop into my head sometimes, but today I was drawn to the topic about. As I believe you can tell a lot about a person based on opposites. You know, what's interesting is that when you decide to become a parent and then become an empty nester, there'll be a moment when you try to reflect on the last 20 years.
Lance: And everything becomes blurred because there were so many experiences. My wife and I are semi empty nesters and now have a different life as we don't have the kid responsibilities as we want this. After 30 years of marriage and not ever taking a honeymoon as I create this podcast, my wife and I are on day 12 of an 18 day vacation down in Florida that we labeled our honeymoon.
Lance: Yes, we never had a honeymoon. I guess I thought all the out of town hockey tournaments would eventually add up to a honeymoon, but I guess that's not how it works. So here I am on an 18 day honeymoon with my wife that I've known since 1989. There's been a lot of walks on the beach down here on treasure island, Florida, and they're super grateful to carry AEs for letting us stay at her waist this down here, which resulted in having some time to reflect on things.
Lance: My wife and I were watching the sunset the other day and the concept of opposite started to keep coming up in my thoughts. The more time I spent thinking about it. I don't know, but I think you can tell a lot about a person based on opposites, because at some point you have to decide what side of the fence you're going to choose to stand on.
Lance: Let me explain. If you look at opposites, which I'm going to give you a bunch of here shortly, they clearly show two points of origin that are very different. It's pretty simple. I'm going to give you two opposite words and you have to choose one or the other based on who you are or who you want to become.
Lance: Let's see what happens with you after the exercise opposites. And remember you have to choose one of the options that best describes you. Good bad winner loser start finish fast, slow, hard, easy in out. Love. Hey. More or less on, off kind cruel early, late, healthy sick give, take kind. Cruel, laugh, cry, normal, strange, rich, poor.
Lance: Sunny cloudy victory defeat messy, neat, rude, polite, funny, serious, visible, invisible, useful, useless top bottom truth. Why? Powerful weak, honest, dishonest friend enemy. See what I mean? When I say, if you have to pick one or the other, by the end of the list, you get a pretty clear picture who you currently are or who you want to become.
Lance: And once this happens, pairing these life pillars of importance with a passion or purpose. Well, then that's when magical things can happen. So how do kids start thinking about creating a purposeful life? How do we as parents help in this process and how early should or can we start? I have a few books that might help shed some light on the topic, and I'd like to share some of the best quotes from each that may get you thinking about the current journey you're on from a different perspective.
Lance: So let's begin book number one. The path to purpose how young people find their calling in life by William Damon, quote, number one, in my prior work, I had encountered the notion of purpose many times, but didn't and indirectly as if through a telescope with an ill fitted lens. None of my earlier studies was about purpose per se.
Lance: Yet I now see that much of what I'd been trying to understand for many years doesn't fact hinge on purpose. Uh, study, I conducted with an Colby of extraordinary moral commitment found that people who pursue noble purposes are filled with joy. Despite the constant sacrifices that they feel called upon to make in a subsequent series of studies with Howard Gardner and me, high cheek, semi high of men and women who have done socially valuable, good work in their careers.
Lance: I was struck by how vividly these people were able to answer our questions of, uh, what they were trying to accomplish with. And elevated purpose was always on their minds, driving their daily efforts. This purpose was their ultimate concern, essential to all of their personal successes. It gave them energy.
Lance: It gave them satisfaction when they accomplish the goals and it gave them persistence. When they ran into obstacles, this work led me to examine how young people find their purposes in life. Do adolescents have purposes? And if so, how do they learn? What kinds of purposes, in addition to those related to careers or inspiring, today's young, what happens when young people are unable to find any purpose at all to devote themselves to the present book is the first account of the insights that I and my students have been gaining through our initial research, into these questions.
Lance: William Damon, from the path to purpose and quote, quote, number two, let's define life purpose. What exactly do I mean by a life purpose, a purpose as an ultimate concern, it is the final answer to the question. Why, why are you doing this? Why is it important? A purpose is a deeper reason for the immediate goals and motives that drive most daily behavior short-term desires coming.
Lance: A young person may desire a good grade on a test, a date to the prom, a cutting edge, electronic PlayStation, a starting slot on the basketball team or admission to a prestigious college. These are desires. They reflect immediate aims that may or may not have long-term significance. A purpose by contrast is an end in itself.
Lance: A person can change purposes or add new ones over the years, but it is in the nature of purposes to endure at least long enough that a serious commitment is made. And some progress toward that aim is achieved. A purpose can organize an entire life and party, not only meaning, but also inspiration and motivation for ongoing learning and achievement, the purposeful, or those who have found something meaningful to dedicate themselves to who have sustained this interest over a period of time.
Lance: Who have expressed a clear sense of what they're trying to accomplish in the world and why they have found a cause or ultimate goal that inspires their efforts from day to day and helps them fashion a coherent future agenda. They know what they want to accomplish and why. And they have taken concerted steps to achieve their ambitions, to qualify as a worthy purpose.
Lance: The how of a course of action, as well as its Y must be guided by a strong moral center. Finding noble purpose means both devoting oneself to something worth doing and doing it in an honorable manner. For this reason, a telling way to distinguish between ignoble and noble purposes is to analyze whether both the means and the ends are honorable and.
Lance: Quote, number three, what gets in the way of finding purpose? The single greatest barrier to youngsters, finding their paths to purpose is the fixation on the short horizons that infuses cultural messages sent to young people today, a popular culture, celebrating quick results and show you achieved.
Lance: Moments has displaced the traditional values of reflection and contemplation that once stood as a moral north star of human development and education. Instant mass communication, transmits tales of highly envy. People who have taken short cuts to fame and fortune to every child with access to computers and televisions.
Lance: And that amounts to just about every child in any industrial society among the most common formats for television shows at present are contests in which ordinary young people, rocket to fame or fortune in a matter of minutes, days, or at most. The appeal of quick material. Success is amplified by current economic conditions, which have led to unparalleled the abundance and the fluence for some fierce global competitiveness for others and the spectrum of deprivation for many others and quote, quote, number four, the urgent project for parents today.
Lance: Purpose. I am entirely confident in asserting that the urgent project for parents today in this world of increasing economic, cultural, and social uncertainty is to help their children gain the wholesome sense of direction that will carry them through the minefields of drift, confusion, apathy, anxiety, fear, and self absorption that threatened their generation.
Lance: I am also convinced that the key to this sense of direction is finding a life purpose. While the parent can not simply give a purpose to a child and indeed any two forceful or controlling effort to do so is likely to have adverse repercussions. Nonetheless they're as much a parent can do. Here's his list of suggestions, listen closely for the spark.
Lance: Then fan the flames, take advantage of regular opportunities to open a dialogue, be open-minded and supportive of the sparks of interest expense. Convey your own sense of purpose and the meaning you drive from your work impart wisdom about the practicalities in life. Introduce children to potential mentors, encourage an entrepreneurial attitude, nurture a positive outlook, instill in children, a feeling of agency linked to responsibility and quote, book number two mastery by Robert Green.
Lance: Quote, number one. In many ways, the movement from one level of intelligence to another can be considered as kind of a ritual of transformation. As you progress all of the ideas and perspectives die off. As new powers are unleashed, you are initiated into higher levels of seeing the world consider mastery as an invaluable tool in guiding you through this transformational process.
Lance: The book is designed to lead you from the lowest levels to the highest. It will help to initiate you into the first step, discovering your life's task or vocation, and how to carve out a path that will lead you to its fulfillment on various levels. It will advise you how to exploit to the fullest, your apprenticeship, the various strategies of observation and learning that will serve you best in this phase.
Lance: How to find the perfect mentors, how to decipher the unwritten codes on political behavior. How to cultivate social intelligence and finally, how to recognize when it's time to leave the apprenticeship nest and strike out for yourself entering the active creative, it will show you how to continue the learning process on a higher level.
Lance: It will reveal timeless strategies for creative problem solving for keeping your mind fluid and adapt. It will show you how to access more unconscious and primitive layers of intelligence and how to endure the inevitable barbs of envy that will come your way. It will spell out the powers that will come to you through mastery pointing you in the direction of that intuitive insight, feel for your field.
Lance: Finally, it will initiate you into a philosophy, a way of thinking that will make it easier to follow this path. And. Quote, number two, you have a destiny to fulfill, let us state it. And then the following way at your birth, let's see this planted, that seed is your uniqueness. It wants to grow transform itself and flower to its full potential.
Lance: It has a natural, assertive energy. Your life's task is to bring that seed to flower, to express your uniqueness through your work. You have a destiny to fulfill. The stronger you feel and maintain it as a force, a voice or in whatever form, the greater your chance for fulfilling this life's task and achieving mastery.
Lance: What weakens this for us? What makes you not feel it, or even doubt its existence is the degree to which you have succumb to another force in life. Social pressures to conform this counter force can be very powerful. You want to fit into it. Unconsciously, you might feel that what makes you different is embarrassing or painful at all costs, you must avoid such a fate.
Lance: The process of following your life's task all the way to mastery can essentially begin at any point in life. They hidden for us within you is always there and ready to be engaged and quote, quote, number three, the apprenticeship phase, the principle is simple and must be engraved deeply in your mind.
Lance: The goal of an apprenticeship is not money, a good position, a title or a diploma, but rather the transformation of your mind and character, the first transformation on the way to mastery slowly, you will ground yourself. In reality, in the objective world, represented by the knowledge and skills that make people successful in it.
Lance: You will learn how to work with others and handle critics. And the process, you will transform yourself from someone who is impatient and scattered into someone who is disciplined and focused with a mind that can handle complexity in the end, you'll master yourself and all of your weaknesses and quote, quote, number four, 20,000 hours of tenacious efforts in our culture, we tend to denigrate practice.
Lance: We want to imagine that great feats are Cornette. That they are a sign of someone's genius or superior talent. Getting to a higher level of achievement through practice seems so Brunel or uninspiring besides we don't want to have to think about the 10,000 to 20,000 hours that go into such mastery.
Lance: These values of ours are oddly counterproductive. They cloak from us the fact that almost everyone can reach such Heights through tenacious effort, something that should encourage. It is time to reverse this prejudice against conscious effort and to see the powers we gained through practice and discipline as eminently inspiring and even miraculous and quote, book, number three, die, empty unleash your best work every day by Todd Henry coord.
Lance: Number one, your days are finite. One day they will run out as a friend of mine, likes to say, you know, the death rate is hovering right around 100%. Many people I know, spend their entire life trying to avoid this fact. They filled their lives with frantic activity, bouncing from task to task. And no matter how successful they perform in their work, as they close up shop for the day they're left with the question, did the work I did today really matter.
Lance: Others that I've met are incredibly successful at vested in and highly compensated for their work. But over time, they've grown state. They sense that they have something more to give, but can't quite put their finger on why they're stuck. In first gear. They have a nagging suspicion that they are capable of contributing more, maybe even being truly brilliant at something, but have no roadmap for unlocking what that contribution might be.
Lance: If there's one overriding goal of this book, it is this to bring new found clarity and sense of urgency to how you approach your work on a daily basis and over your life. I hope to help you lock onto a focused understanding of what's really important and help you make a commitment to chase after it with Gusto, rather than simply settling in for the ride and quote, quote, number two mapping plus making plus meshing equals developer.
Lance: The developer is constantly weaving together, available resources and opportunities to create that. He doesn't work frantically, but instead works with urgency and diligence making plans and then executing them, learning from his actions and then redirecting them as needed. He recognizes that uncertainty is not an enemy, but a natural part of engaging in important and valuable.
Lance: He also knows that opportunities are valuable only if he is prepared to take advantage of them. And as such, he is constantly developing his skills that will be needed when he gets where he wants to go, rather than where he is currently. If you want to die empty of regret with a body of work, you can be proud of.
Lance: You must focus on becoming a developer and quote, quote, number three, today's the day. Imagine for a moment, you will have a guest accompanying you throughout your day. Tomorrow. This person's task will be to follow you around from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep, they will take copious notes about your schedule, how you interact with your family and friends, how you engage in your task and projects and your mindset through.
Lance: Once the day is over this person will spend the next few days, processing their observations, draw conclusions about your motivations and compile their notes into a book about you that will stand as the definitive record of your life and work. How would you act differently tomorrow? If you knew that your actions and attitude on that one day, we're going to be a permanent Testament to your life.
Lance: If you're like many people to whom I've posted this question, you would probably get up a little early. Pay extra attention to your family and the barista at Starbucks. Be fully vested in every meeting. Be meticulous than every task. Call up an old friend for lunch, reconcile with an alienated colleague and generally wrap up loose ends.
Lance: Next I asked, how does your imagine behavior compare with how you are actually living your life today? End quote, quote number four, step sprint and stretch growth. Doesn't happen by. It's the result of intentional effort and consistent progress. You must define how you want to grow. Then establish a plan to help you get there.
Lance: There are three kinds of goals that help you grow step sprint and stretch. A step goal is a very short arc goal. Often daily that helps you maintain forward progress. Even if it's small progress. Uh, sprint goal is a medium article a week or two weeks that causes you to go beyond yourself for a season in order to increase your capacity.
Lance: And a stretch goal is a long arc goal that forces you to go far beyond your comfort zone. Each of these three types of goals, nest within one another step goals help you accomplish your sprint goals and sprint goals help you accomplish your stretch goals. They don't always have to call it. But it's unwise to set the long arc goals without having a company in short articles to help you get there.
Lance: For example, running a marathon is a great example of a stretch goal, but I would be foolish not to set corresponding sprint and step goals to help me work my way up to 26.2 miles. The stretch goal is the objective, but the step and sprint goals are the building blocks. We usually reach our end goal, but fail to consider the mechanics or the day-to-day legit.
Lance: Of how we actually get to where we want that. And quote, a quick word from our sponsor snipers edge hockey snipers edge hockey is your one-stop shop for your at-home hockey training needs on and off the ice. Find the perfect start to your at-home trading area with slick tiles, synthetic ice, or a recliner, or upgrade your home setup with one of our top quality training tools to help you work on soft hands, all of your Deeks and dangles.
Lance: Perfect. Your one-timer and improve the power and accuracy of your. I find it all online and in stock for immediate [email protected], book number four, the five major pieces of the life puzzle by Jim Rohn. Quote, number one, there are always just a few important principles that account for most of the progress we make on our lives.
Lance: This is not to suggest that there are only a few life changing ideas that will affect us for surely. There. What I am suggesting, however, is that you begin your search by focusing on the five fundamentals we will examine in this book. It is these few among the many that will account for the biggest share of the results you will achieve.
Lance: You will never be able to master every aspect of your life to try to become the master of every detail of your life will only lead to frustration instead. Why not go after the few among them? The few that will make the most difference, the fundamental subjects that will have the greatest impact in determining the quality of your existence and coat quote, number two, what is your life philosophy?
Lance: Everything is within reach. If we read the books, use the journals, practice the disciplines and wage, a new and vigorous battle against neglect. These are some of the fundamental activities that lead not only to the development of a new philosophy, but to a new life filled with joy and accompany. Each new and positive activity weakens the grip of failure and steers us ever closer to the destination of our choice.
Lance: Each new discipline step taken towards success, strengthens our philosophical posture and increases our chances of achieving a well-balanced life. But the first step in realizing this worthy achievement lies in becoming the master of our ship and the captain of our soul by developing a sound personal philosophy and cool.
Lance: Quote number three 86,400 ticks of the clock today brings to each of us 1,440 minutes, 86,400 texts of the clock, both the poor and the wealthy have the same 24 hours of opportunity. Time favors no one today. Merely says, here I am, what are you going to do with me? How well we use each day is largely a function of attitude with the right attitude.
Lance: We can seize the day and make it a point of a newbie. Today does not care about yesterday's failures or tomorrow's regrets. It merely offers the same precious gift, another 24 hours and hopes that we use it wisely am quote, quote, number four finish. Before you start everything in the world around us was finished in the mind of its creator before it was.
Lance: The houses we live in the cars, we drive our clothing or furnishings. All of these things began with an idea. Each idea was then studied, refined and perfected either mentally or on paper before the first nail was driven or the first piece of cloth was cut long before the idea was converted into a physical reality.
Lance: The mind had clearly envisioned the finished product and cool. And bonus quote, number five, pain weights, discipline equals ounces. Verse regret equals tons. We all say that we want to succeed, but sooner or later, our level of activity must equal. Our level of intent. Talking about achievement is one thing, making it happen is something altogether different.
Lance: Some people seem to take more joy in talking about success than they do in. It is as though they're ritualistic chant about someday laws, them into a false sense of security and all the things that they should be doing and could be doing on any given day, never seemed to get done. The consequences of this self-delusion have their own inevitable price sooner or later, the day will arrive when they will look back with regret at all the things they could have done and meant to do, but left on.
Lance: That is why we must push ourselves in the present to experience the milder pain of discipline. We will all experience one pain or the other, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. But the only difference is the pain of discipline weighs only ounces while the pain of regret weighs tons. And.
Lance: Pretty powerful stuff. Wouldn't you agree? And lots to think about as we navigate through this life, you've all been into the best versions of ourselves and doing things daily that bring us joy and happiness here's to finding your purpose. Well, that concludes another episode of the hockey journey podcast.
Lance: I can't thank you enough for stopping by and listening. If you think there's someone in your circle of family and friends that might like this episode of. Please share it with just one person. It will really help me in growing this hockey community. Again, I appreciate you being here. Don't forget to subscribe, rate or submit a review.
Lance: I hope to see you back here soon and do me a favor. Make someone close to you. Smile today. All the best. My friends.